I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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