I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
