The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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