just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
All I want is dick and wine.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
