Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
