Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
