i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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