Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
