Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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