I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
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