Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
