Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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