just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
