i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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