Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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