Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
