Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
How external is "for external use only"?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
