I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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