I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
