I want to walk on stilts...naked
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
