I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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