I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
