Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
