so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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