is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
