i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
