I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
