I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
