i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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