help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
