Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
