So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
