so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I can't turn off my feet"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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