Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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