Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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