You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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