You work out of a Hotel?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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