You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
