I accidentally had phone sex last night
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
