I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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