I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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