Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I can't turn off my feet"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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