I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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