She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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