Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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