it wasn't lemon gatorade
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
