What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
