Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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