'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
