super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
