in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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