either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
