you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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