Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
you had me at cake vodka
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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