Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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