I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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