Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
