I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
