I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
