Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
